


Janus's problem

by Ironicprincessemo



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Allergic to proof reading, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bed-Wetting, Food, Mention of blood, Mention of sick, Omorashi, Panic Attacks, Repressed Memories, Self-Esteem Issues, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, shock collar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24491062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ironicprincessemo/pseuds/Ironicprincessemo
Summary: It's few months after janus has been officially accepted it's great except for one issue he can't go to the bathroom if he thinks someone can hear him go or knows he's in the bathroomWhat can go wrong?
Comments: 42
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

Janus shifted on his feet in what he hoped looked like boredom or frustration  
with Thomas's latest dilemma the truth is he really really needs the bathroom 

After janus had revealed his name to thomas and his room had moved to the light side he has been spending a lot more time with the light sides and truth be told he actually iikes company. Logan is able to keep up with him in philosophy debates, roman was a great acting partner patton loved hearing his snake trivia for what seemed like hours and virgil (who he had missed for so many years) had started hanging out with him again

There was just one problem : he was  
So very bladder shy he couldn't go if he thought someone could hear him/knew he was in the bathroom. it hadn't been a problem before he had been accepted with remus spending most of his time in the imagination and orange rarely coming out of his room but now as he barely had time to himself rarely not participating in some famILY bonding activity ( not that he minded) it was a bit more of a problem

So that's why he is suffering in silence with an overfull bladder and wishing thomas could be quote unquote 'normal' and not have breakdowns over the smallest of issues on what seemed to be a daily basis

"Janus what should I do?" thomas said not that the yellow side had been listening having been distracted by the semi frequent spasms of his bladder telling him to go soon 

" oh sorry i was 'totally' listening thomas"

"What's wrong snake and josh you seem distracted today? " roman said sounding a little worried and confused  
"Oh its nothing continue thomas" the quicker they sorted out whatever inconsequential issue thomas had the quicker he could sink out to the dark side and use the bathroom there.(something he had been doing for months now) yes it was inconvenient but he couldn't get himself to relax enough to go in the light side bathroom( maybe very late at night if he could all but guarantee everyone was asleep) on the baseless irrational fear that they'd hear him god what he wouldn't give for an ensuite but he couldn't change anything about his room expect the things in it the only people who could change anything else was roman or remus and to tell either one of them why. he'd rather die (that meaning a lot when he was the literal embodiment of self preservation)

I mean how long could it possibly take he'd be fine

An hour and a half seriously

Well a least it was over

I can see you're definitely *not* over thinking things still  
Janus said after had all of the other sides had sunk out

"Well all in baby steps" thomas said smiling at the reference he made to the previous episode

How is living with the light sides? thomas asked casually

"It's fine" deceit said nonchalantly but thomas could see the slight smile on his face as he spoke

"Bye thomas" he said sinking out and rising up in Lights common room to walk to the dark side ( ever since he had been accepted it took extra effort to sink out to the dark side)

"Where are you going jay?" Virgil said from his uncomfortable looking position perching on the banister

"Oh just to visit remus I get worried about him sometimes him basically being alone" it wasn't a complete lie he had intended to visit remus after he had sorted out his nagging bladder  
"Oh you worry about me, being accepted has really made you soft like a cat in  
a blender" remus said appearing behind deceit making him jump a little

"Hi remus" deceit said internally cursing now that his cover for going to the bathroom was gone

"High? No i'm a little drunk but I'm not high yet"

Virgil couldn't help but laugh at the exasperated look on janus's face  
"Hey dear emo hansen"

Logan roman and Patton had now wondered in to the common area to see what the commotion was

"Oh hey remus" the unasked question what are you doing here hung in the l air

"Oh janus was worried about me the big softie"  
"Yes worried about what chaos you're capable of without someone checking up on you"

"Eh tomato juice, blood what's the difference" 

"Nice catching up, anyway I'll leave"  
remus went to leave but Patton stopped him "wait remus we were actually planning on having a movie night if you wanted to join us"

"Really" remus's eyes lit up " I mean i could if you dorks wanted me to".

"Well the idiom is the more the merrier isn't that right Patton?"  
Logan said

"Right roman you make the popcorn virgil you get the blankets logan you set the dvd player up remus why don't you pick the the first movie and janus could you help with the drinks 

" Sure" he said following patton into the kitchen patton got the glasses down from the top shelf (deceit being Too short to reach)  
Deceit poured the drinks trying to ignore the splashing of liquid against the glasses that was teasing his overfull bladder  
When they came out of the kitchen they saw everyone settled down on the couch to watch whatever film remus had picked

What film did you pick remus janus asked as he sat down next to him

" jaws" remus said smiling much like a shark himself

Really? seriously? 

During the movie remus had moved to lay across deceit his feet digging into his bladder. his legs preventing deceit from moving too much not that he’d risk squirming much if he could. if they found out how badly he needed to go he'd never live it down

Patton had "strongly encouraged" him to drink more saying that he never drunk enough and it took a lot to not snap that it definitely *felt* like he had drunk enough. To appease the father figure he'd forced himself to take a few large gulps of his drink immediately regretting it when his bladder spasmed after he had finished his drink his bladder clearly protesting the extra liquid

He was so uncomfortable but it wasn't like he wasn't used to his bladder making him uncomfortable hell, he had been near desperate by the end of selfishness vs selflessness and he hadn't let it show ( forget the little temper tantrum he'd had. ) and he wouldn't let it show now  
He could hold it a little longer. He has to

After roman's choice of titanic and halfway through Patton’s choice of finding nemo ( seriously were they trying to torture him) his legs pressed tightly together, sweat was dripping down his forehead and he was biting at his bottom lip so hard he feared it would bleed he had dicided that he could no longer deal with the constant throbbing pressure in his bladder. taking a deep breath he pushed remus's legs off him and shakily stood up the pressure in his bladder doubled and he would doubled over at the waist if he didn't have more self control

"I'm going up to bed" he said hoping the fact that he was literally shaking wasn't obvious to the others

"Are you sure kiddo you haven't picked your film yet  
" I'll pick next time" he said already making his way towards the stairs  
" Okay kiddo goodnight"  
Deceit didn't reply already stumbling up the stairs

Once he was out of earshot patton began to speak "he left in a hurry didnt he"

"Yes he seemed to be in distress if I'm not mistaken he seemed to be shaking, perhaps he was feeling unwell and dicided to retire for the evening to recover" logan said straightening his glasses 

Should we check on him patton asked concerned  
But remus piped in " no if he's sick he won't let you in last time he was ill i had to bash his door down with my morning star and the scene i walked in on was like the girl from the Exorcist sick everywhere vomit on the walls it was fabulous gave me the idea to paint my walls a lovely vomit green by using actual vomit, Turkey vulture vomit very easy to collect 

"Can we stop talking about vomit" roman said nearly gagging

"Oh roman i was born this way and you wouldn't argue with the words of lady gaga would you?"

Virgil didnt think deceit was sick he seemed to nervous for that and he had also noticed the other side’s frequent trips to the dark side he had to be planning qsomething he hadn't said anything to the othees for the fear that he'd be called paranoid but if deceit was planning or hiding something he'd find out

Meanwhile deceit ran  
along the corridor to the dark side cursing as with every step he leaked his self control slipping. he made it to the bathroom door before his bladder gave up completely he tried to stop it but it was useless he'd held it too long and he was alone and his bladder knew it

The hiss of his stream unmistakable and deafening in the narrow corridor a choked sob escaped him as his bladder emptied but filling him with nothing but embrassment, shame and self loathing

He threw his gloved hand over his mouth to muffle any futher noise he made his own fight or flight reflex kicking in. He chose flight he sunk out to his room with his tears bluring his vision as he sunk out he didn't notice the pair of glowing orange eyes just down the corridor

Crumpling to the yellow and black carpet of his room he cried nearly hyperventilating before trying to pull himself together. he could not have a panic attack with his luck he'd summon virgil and he did not need virgil to see him like this  
" why not" his room sneered at him " such a pathetic sight begs for an audience"   
"Shut up shut up shut up" he growled at his room and his self deprecating thoughts that were swirling through his head begging for a moment of reprieve he stood up stripping himself of the wet clothes cringing when he felt the wet material through his gloves and quickly shoving the wet clothes in the washing basket to deal with later  
he couldn't have a shower though he wanted he couldn't risk running into one of the light sides and them asking what he'd been doing for 40 minutes he had said he had been getting ready for bed and if they saw him now nothing looked like it changed. he quickly snapped himself into his pyjamas and beanie he wore to bed  
In the light side common room finding nemo had just finshed when virgil's breathing quickened "are you okay virgil" roman asked 

After virgil had preformed his breathing exercise a few times he calmed down enough to answer " yeah that wave of panic came out of nowhere like it wasn't my own" 

"That doesn't make any sense thomas is asleep and were all feeling optimal" logan said confused 

Deceit it had to be deceit  
"I'm going to check on deceit kiddos"  
"No one else i don't want to overwhelm him" Patton said going up the stairs  
Patton walked up the stairs and knocked on janus's door

Deceit hadn't fixed his appearance before he heard a knock at the door. against all his instincts he opened the door

"Yes? " he didn't have the energy to add the usual snarky nonchalance to his voice instead it sounded raspy and dull 

"You okay kiddo"  
what do you mean" god did he think Patton was an idiot. he must have looked a state 

"It's just that you ran off rather quickly earlier and seemed pretty Tense  
Before you left then virgil felt someone panic so we came to the conclusion" 

Here we go he was going to become the laughing stock of Thomas's mind  
" that you're not feeling well kiddo

"Wait what" 

So are you not feeling well.? 

Patton had just given him a golden ticket of an excuse 

"Just a sore throat hot and cold flushs and a little nauseous but its fine really 

"Oh sweetheart, why didn't you say anything  
I'll get you an extra blanket and a glass of water" 

Janus's face blanched a little "what" a glass of water will help with your sore throat"

"You don't have to do that patton" 

"It's no trouble especially when one of my kiddos is ill" patton smiled a genuine smile as walked out the door  
Jsnus laid on his bed 

"Lying is all you're good for isn't it" just a no good dark side "you don't deserve them they'll find out how pathetic you are and throw you back to where you belong in the shadows" his room taunted  
"That's not true" he said though his argument sounded weak  
What would you know about that? " the room scoffed  
Before he could continue the argument with himself Patton reentered the room  
" There are you are" he passing the snake side the glass of water 

" Drink up it'll make you feel better then I'll leave you to rest janus 

Not given much of a choice as it would look suspicious not to drink anything and Patton was quite stubborn when he wanted to be and definitely wouldn't leave until he drank something  
He let the ice cold drink slip down his throat and admittedly it did make him feel a bit better he didn't feel dehydrated anymore 

"Good night kiddo hope you feel better soon"

"Thanks Patton good night to you too"  
Patton closed the door and turned out the light leaving soft warm golden dream spheres on the celling being the only light in the room ( this isn't my original idea the idea of his room being like that is from DragonSaphira Reads id recommend checking out her channel and the selfish protector series being a massive influence for how i write deceit)

Leaving him to drift off into a restless sleep


	2. Chater 2: bad night?

he'd Been plagued by multiple nightmares of the others finding out his secret slurring insults at banishing him to the subconscious  
The nightmare that had woken him however was very similar but he'd begged the others to stay crying and weting himself the others had laughed at him before leaving him in the cold and dark

He woke up gasping and trying to ignore the few tears streaming down his cheeks it was just a stupid dream he was fine

Except from a real life consequence to his childish nightmare  
He shivered he was cold too cold the bed was cold he moved trying to get comfortable but the bed was wet

He'd wet the bed  
He'd wet the bed  
He'd wet the bed

Fuck what was he going to do  
He jumped up from the bed and surveyed the damage  
Shit, he hadn't just wet the bed he'd soaked it

It was alright he could fix it

"Lying to ourselves again are we?"really playing the hits" the room said sarcastically

He ignored it taking off the duvet bottom sheet flipping the mattress an action he had seen done many times by Thomas's parents when the boy had been 6

" remember when you had been the leader of the dark sides charming, clever, able to strike fear into anyone now look at you a scared, pathetic bed wetting child. now the question is did they make you like this or has being with them just revealed who you truly are?" The voice was cold and biting

The time was 4: 30 am there was a silver lining no one would be awake  
He got dressing gown and towel making his way to the shower  
20 minute time skip because

He made his way to his room changing into his outfit for the day  
He gathered up his washing and walked down to the kitchen  
"Hey jd" patton said mixing something at the kitchen counter  
Shit  
"Hey Patton" he said trying not to show how much he was panicking  
"You're up early" patton said oh is that your washing kiddo I'll take it

But before deceit could protest Patton had taken the soiled bedding off him

It took a few moments for Patton to realise what happened and deceit knew that Patton knew

"Oh kiddo" Patton said sympathy leaking into his voice  
I'm not a 'kiddo" he hissed turning on his heel trying to hide the tears already welling up in his eyes he intended on running back to his room like the pathetic coward he was  
"Janus wait" patton said grabbing the others wrist  
Deceit whipped around "what" want to laugh at me mock me, tell thomas"  
"Wait what of course not"  
" or do you want to summon everyone and you can all laugh at my pathetic humiliation"

"Calm down janus your making this a bigger deal than it needs to be I'll put these in the wash now and no one will ever need to know" he said taking the washing into the machine and setting it to wash, spin and dry  
Deceit didn't fully believe him though he couldn't sense any sense any lies coming off patton so he pretended to fully belive him  
"Thank you but still can't believe it happened  
"Its not like this has happened before has it"  
"No"  
deceit said mortified  
"Well it probably just happened because you were ill"

"Ah yes.. because i... was ill" deceit flushed red patton thought it happened because he was sick but deceit knew he had little to no excuse. what a nightmare? That shouldn't cause that to happen especially when he shouldn't be having such childish nightmares in the first place he was a grown man

Yeah a grown man who's wet himself twice in less than 24 hours his mind 'helpfully' reminded him

"Are you OK?" Patton asked him snapping him out of his thoughts

Janus fought not to laugh at the question what did Patton expect him to say? Did he expect him to be truthful? Well spoiler alert : no way in hell was that happening

"I'm fine" deceit said pretending that he didn't feel guilty when he saw the father figure's face fall. what it wasn't like Patton hadn't done the exact same thing before

"Well do you want to help me make breakfast for the others?" he said washing his hands and picking up the bowl he'd been mixing earlier " it's pancakes"

"Okay" deceit said he thought he'd help make breakfast to prove that he was helpful to ensure that Patton didn't go back on his promise to not tell the others what had happened (he didn't think the other side would but better safe than sorry) and becides it would take his mind off the recent events and provide a good distraction

They had made a pretty good team making the rainbow pancakes in less than an hour (well janus had used all 6 of his arms)  
And he had actually smiled when patton had spilled some of the rainbow mixture on himself both making the 'could be gayer' joke at the same time  
They had even cleaned the kitchen before deceit heard the even rhythm of logan's foot steps coming down the stairs

It was then deceit had panicked he couldn't face the others what if it was a trap and patton had dicided to tell the others about his embarrassing accident after all  
"I'm i'm going to spend the day in the imagination he said grabbing a banana from the counter" I'll see you guys later"

" you helped me make the pancakes and now youre not even going to eat them oh for goodness snake" Patton had laughed a little at the pun but the yellow side was already gone

Deceit rose up in to a part of the imagination he'd dubbed his own a perfect recreation of the apple orchard from dear evan hansen when thomas had read the book. the trees made to look like it was fall so golden orange and red leaves painted the orchard in a soft amber glow all year round while the temperature was of a perfect summer day and the juciest freshest ripest apples grew there deceit was be able to make these subtle changes while of course not be able to change anything else not that he change anything it was perfect. he'd also made it nearly invisible to the rest of the imagination

Deceit laid back against the trunk of the biggest tree summoning a book about philosophy called beyond good and evil as well as his headphones so he could listen to his playlist

Humming to himself in contentment he said aloud " I'm not running from my problems and I'm certainly not a coward. this is self care and I need this" and as he closed his eyes he believed every word he'd said something he'd definitely hadn't done for the last 2 days he needed to convince thomas to do things like this more often 

Maybe give Thomas the idea to relax in the garden with a book for an hour let himself get a tan that would raise his confidence therefore helping roman; take in the fresh air somthing that would help virgil no end; Patton would automatically feel Happier because of the sunshine and after, Thomas would certainly have more motivation making him more productive something that even may bring a small smile to logan's face.  
Yes. he'd definitely do that 

The knot of anxiety, self doubt and embarrassment had finally loosened in his stomach and chest and he felt he could finally breathe without the little nagging voice in the back of his mind questioning everything he did  
God when had he turned in to virgil 

With trust in me playing in his ears he was lulled in to a blissfully peaceful sleep

Meanwhile while in the common room  
"Salutations Patton" logan said making his way towards the coffee pot  
"Morning lo did you sleep well?"  
"My sleep was satisfactory i hope that yours was to the same standard"  
Yes thank you here you go logan patton said passing a plate of rainbow pancakes

"These are rather extra" not even having to look at a vocab card

"Yeah deceit helped me make them" patton said now noticing that roman and virgil had come down the stairs  
" I can assume that he's feeling better then" logan said putting crofters on the pancakes  
"Yes much from the look of it"  
"That is good to hear but if he's better then where is he? " noticing that the other wasn't there

"He said something about going to the imagination"patton said serving the other two.

" That's odd" roman mused" I've never seen him in the imagination before "

This set off alarm bells in virgils head not that he said anything

Patton busied himself with housework while roman was on the couch drawing in a sketch pad virgil was next to him scrolling through tumblr  
Janus's washing had finished drying and now patton had taken it out and was planning to take it to his room when roman stopped him 

"May I ask why your doing janus's washing for him like he's some king cobra the only royalty around here is me" 

"Well it just finished so i thought I'd help him " I could do your washing for you if you wanted my royal highness Patton said chuckling trying to diffuse the growing tension 

"Princey can do his own washing as can deceit and just because he dicided to go off who knows where doesn't mean you have to do things for him" virgil said  
"Well i just wanted help him after he wasn't well yesterday  
Virgil had had enough 

" Oh my god so deceit  
gets the sniffles and you become his slave"  
Something isn't right here call me paranoid but he is hiding something and don't come crying to me when you find out i was right" virgil snapped sinking out he had something to do 

Patton sighed he had a bad feeling. he didn't think this would end well


	4. Chapter 3

Virgil sank out to the dark side and headed to remus's room hopefully that would provide some answers even if he had too put up with the crude nature of the duke

"Remus" virgil called to him  
"Up here verge" remus crowed and there was remus swinging from a bungee cord upside down tied around his feet like some sort of bat

"What are you doing?"   
Anything i want ever since janus left i have more freedom than ever as well as some much more time to fill... So much time remus said trailing off with less enthusiasm than when he started  
"Get down from there we need to talk"

"Kay" remus said untying the cord from his feet and he backflipped effortlessly to the ground  
"What do you wanna talk about? Wanna fuck or something?"

"Ew gross" virgil said pushing remus off

"With a complement that strong I'm not so sure" remus smirked wiggling his eyebrows

"Stop stalling i know you and janus are planning something" 

Remus started to laugh  
"me plan? have you met me? remus the duke intrusive thoughts" remus rambled giving a foux bow "the closest I've come to planning something is when I ate logan's dry eraser board and markers"

"Well deceit is hiding something   
" Why do you think that"   
So virgil explained the situation to remus  
" oh i see what's going on here" remus said smiling an unnaturally wide toothy grin 

"So you think that he's hiding something too"   
"Not in the slightest the 'evidence" you have is circumstantial at best and laughable at worst "

" Then what?" virgil said sounding confused

" I think you're green..." remus said touching virgil's hoodie changing the purple patches to lime green for emphasis "with jealousy" 

"Of what" 

"Of the fact that you're not daddy's favourite anymore and janus is" 

"He's not. And I'm not jealous" he said changing the patches back to purple "and deceit is hiding something and I'm going to find out what no matter what it's for Thomas's own good" 

" Wow vee, haven't heard you speak like that 'the ends justify the means and all that' for a very very long time" taking great amusement in when the anxious one's eyes widened hearing that he was acting like he used to made him feel uneasy 

He'd changed hadn't he? 

"You are a light side aren't you" 

"Yes, what are you saying" virgil growled 

"Claws away kitty don't rip my throat out, even though it would be fun to watch I'm saying you should try thinking like them you're trying to find out if janus is hiding something like me or orange would not like the light sides would"  
What would patton say to do. Something along the lines of "gee willikers kiddo I'm sure there's been a huge misunderstanding you should talk to him"  
"Talk". "to." "him." Remus said dropping the terrible patton impression

"Talking to a liar will definitely work" virgil said sarcastically

"You've known him long enough to know that's not all he is" remus's eyes glowed green in warning of the anger steadily building with in him 

But virgil ignored that maybe it was the fact that he was angry that he wasn't being listened to or being compared to remus or orange that made him say what he said next "so much for not being a liar he said he'd never leave you and here you are alone" 

He regretted the words as soon as he said them 

Remus's eyes now glowed blood red his voice demonic and low "leave, fucking leave now" remus said summoning his morning star and swinging it in to the wall just behind him creating a large hole 

Virgil left leaving remus and his wave of destruction behind 

Janus woke fully rested and relaxed he stood up stretching. standing up caused his bladdder to ache he slept all day after all it wasn't a problem he just go at the dark side before going back to the light side before having to inevitably answer some questions on where he'd been

He sunk down to the dark side and what he found was unexpected  
The place was flooded shin height in water overflowing from a toilet filled with what seemed to be green golf balls but that's not what concerned him (well it did but something was much more concerning) the lyrics of 'fuck it' from his playlist were blasting full volume something the duke only listened to when he was sad and though it was blasting full volume he could still here soft cries coming from the room

He knocked tentatively  
on the door "remus?"  
" Go away" that wasn't good janus thought to himself remus was so dejected he wasn't even threatening anyone

"I'll take that as a come in "he said opening the door  
To put it lightly remus's room was 'fucking destroyed' contrary to popular belief remus's room usually was very tidy well maybe not tidy but it was an organised trash heap  
Now everything was everywhere; large holes from his morning star littered every wall; the water had filled his room too there was a small fire in the paper waste bin that he never used 

In fact the only things in the room that weren't mangled ripped or destroyed in someway was his morning star, a framed picture of the two of them and a snake plushie that janus had gotten him on his first birthday as an individual that was coiled tightly around his shoulders  
It seemed that logan truly was the only one that didn't care for sentiment

" what's wrong re? static day? Their code for when days the intrusive thoughts he experienced became too much and his head felt like it was filled with static

" No it's stupid I shouldn't be feeling this way and I definitely shouldn't be crying it's pathetic"

"However you're reacting and for whatever reason isn't bad, strange or stupid and crying doesn't make you pathetic it just means you're human so please tell me what's wrong" janus said lifting the others chin up so he would look up into his mismatched eyes 

Virgil seems insistent on the fact you're hiding something so I suggested he talk to you and he said that you're nothing but a liar I defended you and then virgil said"   
Remus stopped nearly crying again 

" what did virgil say" the yellow side gently prompted trying to suppress the anger bubbling up within himself at Virgil for making remus feel this way (again) and mostly at himself for having this pitiful shy bladder issue ( and the fact he isn't hiding it well enough ) that caused virgil to be suspicious in the first place   
He... he said ' so much for not being a liar and how you said you would never leave me and now I'm alone' 

That stung but it was unfortunately true he hadn't checked up on him as much as he should   
"I'm so sorry remus"   
" It's not you're fault. Thomas needs you"

"I haven't been a very good friend to you lately I've been acting.. well... Selfishly but let me remake that promise to you that I won't leave you and that I'll always have your back because you've always had mine"   
Can you forgive me? 

"Of course dee I know you won't leave me it just hurt especially coming from virgil of all people"and I just saw red shouted at him to leave and then this just sort of happened" gesturing to the destruction around them leaning into janus clearly exhausted 

"come on" he said the other side to his feet   
"What" the other side said dased   
"You can't stay here and you're not in any sort of state to fix it so you're going to stay with the others and me   
" But" remus protested barely able to keep his eyes open   
"Shh" janus shushed him as they sunk out to the light side   
When they got there the other sides were in the kitchen eating supper   
Janus helped remus onto the couch remus was out like a light before his head hit the pillow janus simmoned him a blanket 

"Remus is staying with us for the night" "at least" janus said it in response to all of them staring and he said it in a way that no one dared argue with him  
"Oh and patton may I borrow virgil I need to speak with him and from what I hear" he said glancing at remus sleeping peacefully on the couch "he needs to speak with me


	5. Chapter 4 back in the closet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long between online classes and not knowing how to write an argument to save my life
> 
> Anyways on with the show 😂
> 
> I would love some feedback

The atmosphere was tense as janus led virgil to the closet under the stairs a neutral place for their 'discussion' he ignored his bladder's protests as he shut and locked the door behind them. This was far more important

" What did you say to remus" janus's voice was calm too calm for virgil's liking he knew janus cared for remus as much as he cared for Thomas or himself

"Um.. I.. Er.. Um" virgil fumbled for the right thing to say but janus cut him off "are you always this articulate? Try again

" You obviously know what I said"

"I want you to tell me what you said because you obviously thought that you had reason to say it to remus"

"Remus said you weren't a liar and i said so much for not being a liar ans fact you said you'd never leave him and hes now alone"

"And what did remus do, for you to justify saying that" he said trying to keep his composure the question of course was rhetorical nothing that remus could do would justify hurting him like that 

"He said i was acting like him or orange and implied i hadn't really changed" "he shouldn't bring up someone's past like that!" 

"like you shouldn't bring up someone's abandonment issues, that let me remind you you caused because they hurt your feelings."  
Deceit shouted

" You will apologise to remus and mean it. he doesn't deserve to be pulled in to situations like these especially when it's clear the problem you have is with me but as you don't want to talk to me as I'm 'just a liar' I'll leave you to play this game of clue for what ever you think i have planned. spoiler alert I'm not planning anything feel free to waste your time however" he said turning to leave he couldn't face the anxious side anymore or his frustration would get the better of him not to mention that his bladder had filled conciderably over the last hour and it was getting harder to ignore  
He tried the door. It wouldn't budge  
He tried again but no success

"way to mess up your dramatic exit." Virgil said smirking  
The snake side tried the door once again and with a 'clunk' the door knob came off in his hands  
The other stopped smirking "What did you do that for!" his tone accusatory

"Well obviously I thought it would look good in my door knob collection' he said voice dripping with sarcasm" "I don't know it just came off" voice back to normal if not a little perturbed

So they were stuck in here

“No, no,no,no,nonononononononono-”  
Janus looked over to the other to see him curled up in a ball hands pulling at his hair breathing erratically and tears streaming down his facehe also mumbling 'we're trapped' over and over again though it would be hard for anyone else to understand as his tempest tongue made the phrase sound distorted  
His anger melted away  
He didn't see the virgil who had made remus cry or the virgil who thought of him as just a liar or even the virgil who left without so much as a goodbye all those years ago no, he saw someone that he had protected loved and raised and he needed help.  
He stepped closer to the shaking side crouching down hissing in pain when his bladder leaked for a couple seconds before he could get it under control due to the awkward position. not that virgil noticed the small sound was drowned out because the roar of blood rushing  
in his ears  
"Virgil can you hear me"  
A small shakey nod was his reply  
"Good, can I touch you?" Janus's voice was calm  
Another shakey nod  
"It's okay, we're going to be fine" janus reassured as he gently untangled the purple side's hands from his hair "breathe with me in 4 hold for 7 out5 for 8" he said demonstrating to encourage the other copy him as well as gently tapping the simple rhythm on the back of his hand

After a few attempts and janus's soft spoken encouragements virgil had started to calm down  
"Thank you" virgil mumbled

"It's okay I'm sure that patton will realise that his favourite has been gone for far too long and come and try to restore peace"

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say  
"You're not his favourite" virgil said

"Huh" janus said dumbfounded "that's not what I" virgil cut him off  
Really well you sure act like it"  
"You've made him do everything for you and he's doing it without question"

"What do you mean?"  
Gtabbing you extra blankets and fussing over you

What patton doesn't do the exact same thing for you when your ill you  
Even watch nightmare before Christmas

Janus saw a flicker of doubt on virgil's face before he continued "he's doing your washing"

"He offered, becides i did return the favour i helped make breakfast how were the pancakes by the way I haven't had feedback yet" 

Where were you anyway?  
"In the imagination"  
"Roman said he's never seen you there before"  
The argument had devolved in to pointless bickering  
Yes, you're right it's common knowledge that Thomas's imagination is small and not as big as you can imagine"janus said trying not to fidget though he was not very successful being trapped in this closet that was barely big enough for the two of them was definitely exacerbating his need to pee to a urgent level what he didn't count on was virgil noticing

"Why are you fidgeting so much" virgil said glancing up from his phone that had no signal but he was using to play a game to pass the time

"I'm not" deceit said on instinct  
"Dude you're fidgeting more than i usually do"but virgil dropped the topic until 30 minutes passed and deceit's squirming caught his eye again

Deceit tried to keep his movement to a minimum but it near impossible at that point he really had to go

" Seriously what is wrong do you have to pee or something?" 

Janus hesitated a little too long with his answer

Oh... You do... well um I'm sure Patton will come to make sure we're okay soon and free us"

"I'm fine" deceit said firmly but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything 

Throughout the next half an hour his desperation fought against him and eventually won without any further warning he began wetting himself his need to go overpowering any attempt to stop 

Virgil stood mouth agape eyes widened helpless to do anything but watch he tried to pull his eyes away but it was like watching a car crash he couldn't look away 

Deceit's face burned with SHAME as the slowly cooling liquid pooled around his feet And the space was so small that virgil's shoes had also gotten wet 

But before virgil could say anything let alone reassure janus that he would keep his silence on the whole ordeal the door opened revealing patton 

Janus took this chance pushing past Patton (luckily everyone had retired to their rooms) and ran up the stairs before anyone else could see him like this

He slammed the door behind him but he was far from safe " oh my god it happend again" the room criedmaniacally laughing 'do we need to put dee dee in diapers' the room mocked ' it's time to accept it's game over'

Let's give patton the benefit of the doubt on him telling the others which in its self unlikely, once it's a freak occurrence but twice as logan says is a pattern but let's say he finds it wrong to tell the others. fine but what's stopping virgil? 

"Absolutely nothing it's not part of your function to stop him telling them as it doesn't involve thomas, you have nothing to offer him to buy his silence, he's not scared of you especially after that performance of weakness and oh yes he doesn't like you. In fact he hates you"

"This is the perfect way to get rid of you send you crawling back to the dark side like the baby you are that's if they even want you and with remus up here he'll prove his worth then you'll be alone what? the truth hurts doesn't it" 

He snapped himself into clean pj's and buried uder the duvet and hid himself from the world but even the clean sheets beneath him filled him with shame reminded him of another reason he was completely pathetic

Needless to say he didn’t sleep. for the next few days deceit didn't leave his room Patton had tried to coax him out of course and when he got no reply he left food outside his door

He was doing nothing except moping when he heard a knock on the door 'go away patton' that might work if i was patton but I'm not' a voice so deadpan and monotone that janus instantly recognised as logan

The snake side opened the door 'I'm alive is that satisfactory'

'Yes" janus cut the other side off "then you can leave"

"I wasn't done I wanted to find out the reason for your extended absence from the group" we haven't seen you in 4 days 4 hours and 20 seconds

"I've been busy" deceit said looking at logan daring him to call him out for the lie but logan didn't "very well It would be beneficial to update you on the" he looked at a vocabulary card " 'drama' of the mind palace"  
Roman and remus have been working together very well and remus's presence seems to have boosted Thomas's creative potential and thomas seems to have realised this as well while yes his room hasn't moved yet he'll be staying here a lot more"

But before they could discuss anything more they felt a tugging in their chest thomas was summoning rhem  
"Thomas had not said he needed us today" logan said putting his glasses straight  
It's probably nothing but we better Check on him janus said as the other sunk out

Janus couldn't help but worry what the unexpected meeting was about


	6. Shame is the game part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried 😊
> 
> Hope you like it would love you to continue to give me feedback 
> 
> Sorry this is a little short

Thomas summoned the sides for an important issue for the last few months he's had trouble using public restrooms or well any bathroom that wasn't his own he hadn't bought it up with the sides directly (but they had to know as they were parts of him right?) as at first he didn't think it was a problem yes it sometimes left him uncomfortable and sometimes it interfered with meetings for video planning but other times he was able to go with out problem and he could forget that it was even an issue

But recently particularly the last week it happened far more frequently the final straw however happened when he had been forced to leave in the middle of a cartoon therapy planning meeting because of how badly he had to go leaving a very confused talyn and a slightly annoyed joan mainly when they had asked where he was going and he couldn't give them an answer

Standing in the usual spot he took a deep breath before summoning his sides

Janus appeared in his spot when he noticed something was off they were all there but the camera wasn't set up he usually only summoned all of them when he was filming maybe he just forgot deceit thought definitely not in denial he was about to ask but roman beat him to it

"Thomas, I'm not a narcissist but how are you supposed to capture my best side without a camera set up"

"We're not filming a sander sides guys I'd rather keep this issue off the Internet"

"You haven't told us why you summoned us yet like you're trying to build suspense but you're not filming so who could you possibly be building supense for?"  
"Meta humour was so last year logan" roman said hands on his hips

"How about you tell us what the issue is like you would for a sander sides to keep the same format kiddo?" 

"Stop breaking the fourth wall" virgil grumbled "then we can get on with the plot... I mean problem 

" Don't act like that was an accident" roman chuckled 

Thomas breaking up the weird conversation up "so you guys don't know why i summoned you i thought it be obvious with what's been happening the last couple of months" 

"Tom nook isn't going to be happy because that's not ringing any bells" patton said smiling

"We made enough video game references in selfishness vs selflessness redux roman said  
But yes i have no idea  
what you're referring to thomas"

"I haven't been able to use public bathrooms" thomas snapped frustrated with his sides apparent ignorance

Janus's breath hitched surely it was a coincidence he couldnt be affecting thomas that strongly could he? 

We weren't aware that was an issue you were having

"How?" "you are all parts of me"  
All eyes slowly drifted to janus "have you been keeping this from the others"  
Before janus could deny that he had anything to do with the sides not knowing 

A cold and somewhat amused british accent pierced throughout the expecting silence "as much as he would love to take credit that would be a lie, 'cause the pleasure is all mine thomas"  
The side wore a charcoal black suit orange shirt, tie and pocket square he was short shorter than deceit and a little chubbier than the other sides making his outfit not fit quite right and most notable his hair was dyed full rainbow 

"who are you"

"Now, now, now thomas is that the way to welcome back an old friend" i can see they did a pretty good job of making you repress any memory of me let me reintroduce myself shame

"It's a real shame you don't remember me sorry for the pun it's just that someone who used to be very close to heart loved puns" the shorter side said smirking 

"To help you remember me further thomas I'll tell you my tragic backstory"

"Why are being so extra?" that's my job 

"Have you ever considered that it's because you're terrible at your job" as he said this the colour dulled out of princey's sash and the red streak in his multi colour hair became brighter and roman stumbled instantly feeling dizzy 

" I formed after a rather embarrassing accident in elementary school more specifically the elementary chorus concert after you wet yourself in front of all those people and at first you all saw me as your hero i was one of you a light side I was only protecting Thomas making sure nothing like that would ever happen again but then after a while you said I was bad and what I was doing was wrong

Morality spoke "you were too strong you made thomas anxious" 

AH yes i forgot that was the time this purple bruise formed" he said slinging the words at Virgil with comtempt purple zapped from the hoodie and in to his hair  
And you banished me to the darkside he said pointing at Patton "isn't that right... Big brother


	7. Shame is the game part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning use of shock collars

How is that even possible?" Thomas asked after the initial shock and the sky blue left Pattons shirt 

Logan cleared his throat "well as you know with roman and remus split as they were two seemingly opposing ideas but subconsciously patton split himself after seeing how he was negatively affecting you but it wasn't a clean split from that part of himself creating that fraction of a side

Shame scoffed " who you calling a fraction I'm more helpful than you but you wouldn't know you're too childish to understand that " at the words logan shrank to the size of a 3 year old wrapped up in his unicorn onesie that was now the same size as him his over sized glasses slipping down his face" I'm not a baby he protested but his voice was nothing more than a quiet whine and the words were unintelligible

No, you're not, you're this many years old" shame said holding up 3 fingers condescendingly now shh, the grown ups are talking" the navy blue got pulled from logan once again made blue in the others hair vibrant

"Wait" thomas said  
"Oh don't worry thomas it's only for a witlle while he said talking down to Logan ruffling his hair sending shivers down his spine

" No I... Well i mean that's good to know but i was going to ask why you're British my British accent isn't anywhere near as good as that" 

"That's what you care about thomas" janus said not believing what he was hearing 

"Well I obviously represent everything you have or still feel shame about, your sexuality body type, and the fact everyone can do better accents than you hence my British accent

" You dont have to act this way to be heard"

" Oh but patton being bad is the one thing I'm good at. you made that abundantly clear"

"Seamus I" but the words died in his throat 

"No. i'm not here for sympathy or half hearted apologies or to watch you play happy families with sides we swore to protect thomas from a long time ago. I'm here to do my job but just keep in mind i do the things i do because of the choices you made I'm not to blame for my actions. you are"

"That's not true patton you're not accountable for his actions" trying to help he saw what shame was doing to them and he needed him to stop he couldn't have all of them fall under his spell 

"Oh look little dee dee trying to be the hero absolutely precious, adorable practically perfect in everyway" he spat sarcastically 

"Do you have to ruin mary poppins?" Roman said gaining a little of his strength back  
"No I'm sure your singing is enough to do that causing more colour to drain from him and he had to lean on his sword to stop him falling to his knees 

"What are you doing here" janus questioned 

"Oh you should know better than anyone else here deceit"

"Are you working with him?" virgil asked in a condemnatory way.  
"He should be so lucky. it's nice to see you haven't changed you're just as paranoid and jumpy as I remember you being" 

"To explain why I'm here let's play a game as virgil loves to question your loyalty to the group I'm going to test their loyalty to you"

I only require 3 players though you scaredy cat and poisonous tree frog and no audience partipation please he said summoning a cage and putting roman, logan and Thomas inside 

Leaving janus virgil and Patton at Seamus's mercy  
Rules simple there are 3 secrets of janus's between the two of you know 2 and janus knows the third last one to spill janus's screct that you knows wins  
' and why would we tell you virgil inquired 

Ah thank you I nearly forgot he said he said he snapped and two bulky things appeared on both virgil's and Pattons neck and around janus's wrists were a pair of handcuffs 

"K.. k.. Kiddo what are these" pulling at it Patton said trying to loosen it as it was quite tight 

"You like dogs don't you?" he asked Patton voice sickly sweet

"Of course i do they're cute fluffy and adorable with there wet noses and wagging tails" he listed seemingly having forgotten his four foot powerhouse of crazy sibling  
"Well those are shock collars 

It's wrong that pet owners use them on their pet he said not quite understanding 

" Well it's good I'm not using it for that purpose then"  
"Every time you refuse to spill the secret you know about janus you will receive a small controlled shock like this he pressed a button a zap came from the device and both side let out a grunt of discomfort from the shock 

" Are you sure you're not the one related to remus i mean with these handcuffs what am I supposed to think janus said in a playful way but he was terrified remus had never /would never go this far 

"Those are so you don't" he covered his mouth in demonstration "ruin the game and by the way you can stop the game at any time you just have say your big secret" 

"Are we ready to start, wonderful"  
He pushed a button another shock 

" Do you want to tell the group now"  
A resounding no from both of them dispite the discomfort  
He zapped them again at a slightly higher voltage

They both cried out in pain  
"Now?" he said in a teasing way but there was no warmth in his eyes " you know I thought you'd like this game bro-rality" 

"What" patton was dazed 

It's an exercise in empathy you feel the same pain as virgil he said carelessly zapping them again at again another higher voltage " and a moral dilemma what's more important yourself or janus 

" Janus and I got trapped in the closet and he wet himself" virgil blurted out  
"The truth will set you free" seamus chuckled removing the shock collar virgil dropped to his knees purple Dulling from his hoodie more he risked a look at janus.. 

Janus had the brim of his hat over his eyes the colour of his outfit dulled the most out of his counterparts 

"You're insane" Patton cried 

"Total isolation will do that to a side it's not like the dark sides liked me either in the beginning they thought I was too much like you" he turned up the voltage "so I became the opposite" he pressed the button making patton yelp tears running down his face 

After hearing the dog like yelp from patton janus dicided he had to do something he was Thomas's self preservation even if it hurt him in the process  
" I'm the problem" 

elaborate , snake by the ocean  
"I'm the reason thomas has struggled using public restrooms"

"Why?"  
"because the same thing happens to me I freeze up whenever I try to use the bathroom on the light side so I've been sneaking to dark side bathroom as there's no one ever there as i can't go if people are anywhere near because I'm pathetic" his voice breaking on the word as if proving his point tears welling in his eyes all yellow left him and even the black seemed less bold  
No one spoke for what seemed like an eon leaving the snake's confession heavy in the air when seamus broke the silence  
"Thats why you wet yourself out side the bathroom door about a week ago"  
" game over ding ding ding we have a loser"

"Did someone just refer to themselves in the third person?" remus said popping up he looked round the room  
"as much fun as this looks you didn't get their consent" he said snapping away the cage remaining shock collar and handcuffs and even i know you have to ask for their consent especially of you wanna get this kinky"

"you're done here you have no power over me as you can't shame the shameless, and oh you made my best friend cry so unless you want to fucking die you'll leave before i crush you like an orange popsicle " 

"Very well but before i go thomas you may want to reconcider the whole acepting janus thing i mean he's more of a detriment to you now than he ever was before" 

"You asked for it, nap time bitch" remus said knocking out shame with a swing of his morning star as soon as he was knocked out the colour returned to the sides and logan was back to his normal size 

Well all colour had returned except for janus who was completely grey and the last thing he heard was thomas saying "what's wrong with him" before passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that just happened  
> Hope you liked it


	8. Fainting spell and colour draining?

"Oh my god" thomas shouted as janus passed out "why did he pass out why is he gray why did you loose your colour in the first place? "

"One question at a time thomas I'm still reeling from being changed to having both the IQ and stature of a three year" old logan said now putting his glasses on and straightening his tie "as for the passing out that is a normal reaction to overwhelming stimuli such as pain stress or fear  
The 'color thing' he said putting air quote is slightly more complicated to explain. when we first form you subconsciously gave us a colour that links with our function like red for roman as that links with passion, romance etc the brighter the color the stronger the belief in our function is however shame is able to make us doubt our purpose hence the draining color ablity

"It seems that janus was the most affected by shames escapade causing him to lose all colour and faint"  
"I love listening to you talk logan but as confident as I am in my ability to knock a bitch out he won't stay like that forever " remus said rushing his words a rare sense of urgency to them  
"Ah good point remus we should restrain him." straight jacket or chains? Remus said summoning both. the chains had a rusted aesthetic to them but logan could tell they were strong and the straight jacket was uncharacteristically rainbow"  
I believe the chains should suffice remus"  
"Fine, I'll get rid of the not- so - straight jacket"  
We need him to be taken to his room would you mind doing that remus

"Sure, talk nerdy to me" remus said winking then leaving before logan could process what was happening with the still unconscious orange side  
"Roman could you please move janus carefully to the couch and take off his hat I need to check his head as i think he hit his head on the banister" roman picked janus up bridal style and though he considered himself a strong prince he couldn't help but be slightly concerned how easy it was to lift the snake side he moved him safely to the couch removed his hat and resisted the childish impulse to wear the hat himself and placed it on the coffee table  
"We also need to elevate his feet" logan said but patton was already sliding a pillow under his feet  
"He'll need a drink and a snack for when he wakes up" roman said dashing to the kitchen before anyone could say anything 

Remus popped up "orange you glad I'm back and he's not" remus chuckled finding his own joke hilarious

"Thank you so much remus" thomas said

"For what?" Remus shrugged his shoulders

"For taking down shame you saved us"

"Eh, i never really liked that guy he's a dick. becides I'm just the lesser of two evils thomas" remus couldn't understand why he was being praised for what he'd done

"No you're not. you're not evil while some of your ideas are definitely disturbing, macabre the're just ideas, yes you represent my intrusive thoughts but you're my creativity as much as roman and while i won't be jumping out of any moving cars if you're willing to work with us I'm willing for you to have a seat at the table and you saving us from shame has proven you can do that so what do you say? "

Remus was uncharacteristically quiet for a solid minute before replying with the very remus appropriate 'fuck yeah"

It was about then when logan had finshed examining deceit "he has a small gash on the back of his head but the bleeding has stopped and he has no signs of concussion"

"This is all my fault" Patton cried  
"How is this your fault patton" logan asked  
" it's my fault that shame is the way he is I'm the one who sent him away maybe if he had stayed he wouldn't be literally insane"

"You said it yourself patton he was too strong. you sent him away as it was best for Thomas if you hadn't done anything he would have gone power crazy anyway you did what was right" logan said doing his best to comfort the moral side

"Yeah pat if anyone is to blame themselves for how janus is right now that's me" virgil said " I've been such a dick to him i was convinced he was sneaking to the dark side as he was scheming against us not that it could be to do something else I didn't even give him a chance to try to explain himself and then I'm basically the one who weakened him as I shared a secret that wasn't mine to spill and humiliated him he should hate me and that's if he doesn't already"

"Kiddo, you had a shock collar round your neck you were just acting in self preservation if anyone is going to understand that it's him" Patton said placing a comforting hand on the anxious one's back

Virgil didn't really agree with Patton as patton had had the same choice and didn't humiliate the other side with whatever it was

Roman had now returned with a glass of water and the entire kitchen worth of snacks "I err didn't know what he'd want"

"Well first off he hates water so he'd prefer apple juice and a few chunks of chocolate should raise his glucose levels" remus said taking a bite of an apple from the tray of food

Everyone turned shocked towards remus " what? Just because I'm demented means i don't know how to take care of my best friend and becides human anatomy is so awesome"

"Logan shouldn't he have come round by now he's been out for quite a while" virgil said knuckles pressed to his lips in worry

"thomas it may help janus if you focus on everything janus is to you everything you associate with him"

Thomas closed his eyes and focused on everything that made janus janus and after a few solid minutes slowly a bit of his colour his colour still significantly dulled compared to the others returned and his eyes opened

Apon opening his eyes the previous events came back to his mind in a dizzying rush that made him feel physically sick not only had he admitted to the secret he swore to himself that he'd die with he'd also fainted. the ultimate show of weakness

"Good, you're awake" logan said his voice trying to manage a clinical detachment but his eyes shone with concern? No it must be pity in fact as he looked around they all had pity in their eyes he needed to leave now

"drink this and eat these" logan said passing him a glass of apple juice and a few squares of chocolate and though they were his favourite he didn't even savour the sweet richness of the chocolate before washing them down with the apple juice in one gulp slamming the glass down on the coffee table with a satisfying clink " I'm leaving" janus said standing up.

"You can't you're much too weak" logan said not knowing that it was the exact wrong thing to say

" I'm not weak by any means but maybe shame was right i shouldn't try to be something I'm not a hero a light side"  
he spat he knew what he was doing. pushing them away before they pushed him away because pushing them away made him strong while being pushed away reminded him he was weak "nothing good has happened to me since my room moved to the light side" one of the biggest lies he's ever told  
"so it's time i go back to where I Belong" he said shutting their mouths with a flick of his wrist and sinking out leaving the room in cold,heavy, shocked silence before anyone could do anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully one more chapter to go 😊


End file.
